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I have no idea what has happened to me recently....sigh....there are so many things that just don't make sense when I look back at who I was....So for starters...I use to be one of those people that wanted to be alone...I would tell people to just leave me be....but that changed a while back...and for a while because of a situation I don't want to discuss i would tell people don't leave me...then it became jokingly....but more and more recently it has become serious again...especially with one person..I mean I even spent my birthday alone this year...(and like legibly was upset by that...even though i hate the day with a passion)..like A went to an interview and I was alone here...and i hated it...and I was not entirely honest about what was going on here while he was gone cause I wanted him focussed...but then he got back and he was like you look like shit!! you look like you haven't slept...and he noted some of what had happened...and i told him the rest...and now he is deputing not taking the job...which is like the total opposite of my intent...I am trying to be supportive...but if I am being honest I don't want him to take the job....thats the other thing that has changed...I use to feel like I had an amazing support system but now they are all gone....and i am so reliant on him that sometimes i realize how foolish that it...I never use to be so reliant on just one person...but now I am....and it scares me....I dont know what I will do if he leaves....sigh but everyone is telling me this is for the better and I am trying to go with that...and then I have one person that is like talk to him...tell him...stop being so unselfish....but thats how I was taught...even if its at you're jeopardy you make other people happy....which brings me to the last thing...the one that is bothering me the most....

I have no more fight in me....I use to put up a hell of a fight when I didn't agree with something....heck one of my good friends use to joke that my hair was red with the flames of hell....but i think I have been shut out...pushed away...beat down...and scolded so many times that I am starting to believe that I have to just accept it...and I am...Former bad influences have elbowed their way back into my life...and anymore i don't want to fight...so I either run...or I placate them...and I am turning it all inward again...keeping things from people...avoiding them...and just keeping to myself....and a part of me just doesn't care anymore...I just don't want to be knocked down again...so I don't bother standing up...I am hoping this gets better with time....but I am having a hard time seeing the end of this tunnel...and honestly if things change the way they might i think its best if I just stay in it....

Lets see....school....things are extremely busy...I am kind of going crazy....and everything is group projects....urgh...my worst enemy.... I like my groups I just hate group projects if that makes any sense...but...everyone jokes that I am they stereotypical accounting major and I am...I fully believe in the feed me and leave me alone method....haha everyone is there like forming groups and I am just like nope I am like batman...I work alone...and don't trust these people to live up to my level...and I know that sounds conceited but I have something to prove...I mean my averages in classes are always A's sometimes above 100% and then I get stuck with people that are like I think this is going to be easy...and all i hear is "my part is going to be easy and you are going to have to work 2x as hard to pick up my slack..." but other than that its quizzes and busy work....

haha other than that there is just home stuff...parents driving me crazy and our air is broke so you have to go out and turn the water on and off....otherwise it overflows...but yeah so I went out and there was this huge black spider by the door...and i was like nope nope freak of nature you aren't getting in my house....and so i turned the water off and i went to open the door and thank god it moved away...but then logic was maybe if I slam the door hard enough it will die or flee....well i did...and 10 seconds later the neighbors called thinking someone was breaking in and she was like do you want me to send my husband to kill it....and i was like I am not that big of a baby...........yes.....hmm beyond that my friend alex is sending me something for my bday and I am excited and scared...her original idea was these provocative cookie cutters but then she said she would save those for a house warming gift....but she was like text me when it arrives in one piece so I am scared...my neighbor and i are having an annoying war...the other day I was belting out siberia by the backstreet boys...but then I heard clapping followed by bravo...encore...and then today there was a huge bug on the window...and i couldn't see what it was but my cat tried to attack it through the screen and I was like AJ don't piss it off!!! and i hear "RIGHT NEVER PISS OFF PISS ON...." i need to retaliate...

I think thats it 
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Am I wrong
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: sims 4
  • Eating: cupcake
  • Drinking: water

deviantID

Sakura2349
Kitsune
Artist
United States
Alright so you can see what i look like in my gallery i tried it as and ID and i hate that picture of me like expanded so yeah....I'm stuck looking like that since plastic surgery and needles scare the life out of me. I use this account mainly for writing I have posted a couple pics and stuff but...I have no artistic ability other then writing and even there i feel a little shakey. Since i have joined here i have been feeling a little better about it seeing all the kind comments and the people that have added me.

I write the best when I am upset and that is really a regular attitude. There is about two things that keep me upset enough to pull out a good sad story. Most of the conversations in my stories are based of conversations i have had with a few of the people i know. That is kind of sad if you read Between Bonds and see how Itachi treats Yumi...Anyway the way i look at that situation is..."At least it pulled out a good story.

For the people that visit my page regularly yes this is updated. I hate keeping things the same for long periods of time. People who know me for real know this is true. I am on my third backpack of the year. I try to dye my hair at least once a year...The worst was dying it black because i really did look like Orochimau.

I may not look like the happiest person or even come across as it but here is the reality of it all. Life is hard, I haven't always found myself in the best situations but i am not a depressed person. I have good friends that i know are always going to be there for me and such so i can be happy knowing that. If anyone want me to add them as a friend on here I would gladly be willing to do that. If anyone has questions feel free to ask me.

I really hope everyone who comes here enjoys my writing. I really love when people leave me a comment so please drop me a line.

Current Residence: USA
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Large (the bigger the comfier)
Print preference: none
Favourite genre of music: pop
Favourite photographer: ummm again one of my friends
Favourite style of art: umm like the manga form
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: Anything Orochimaru
Favourite cartoon character: Orochimaru
Personal Quote: The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality. By creating a legacy,
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I have interest in one of the jackets...Umm I suck it drawing so if you want something done for you it would have to be writing or photography...check out my gallery and see what i am capable of...so those to subjects more then likely unless it was simple and i will give llama badges...also points from this might go towards my group thanks a bunch

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Comments


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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner 1 day ago
Happy Belated Birthday, sister. I miss you.
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner 1 day ago
I miss you to....and thanks ^.^ I'm all old now...
Reply
:iconvariouslyvaried:
variouslyvaried Featured By Owner 2 days ago   General Artist
Happy b-day! :iconyessssplz:
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner 2 days ago
Thanks
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:iconbeautiful-life15:
Beautiful-Life15 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
Hi, thanks for the fave, glad you liked it:heart:
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fav!!! Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Heart Dance) [V6]  Hope you have a nice day!!!
Reply
:iconmiilky-chan:
Miilky-chan Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  New member Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favourite!Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (My kawaii plushie) [V6] 
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:iconwordturner:
wordturner Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
Thanks for the Fave!!
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:iconstilleskygger:
StilleSkygger Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there! Thanks for the :+fav: :huggle:
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014
Take care of yourself and congrats on the license.
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