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Its late...but I can't sleep...so I thought why not do a journal update...my class ins't super early tomorrow...This semester is kicking my butt...I am taking an upper level accounting course...all these ones for decision making as a manager...then an early shakespeare course which is both interesting and frustrating...I love the course but I realize now that the christian school i attended used highly edited versions...and then lastly I am taking Calc...again...because i missed what i needed for it to count by 1%...now I have above 100...so yeah I hope that asshole looks as sees what I can actually do when someone actually teaches!! Sorry...haha little bitter there....But yeah despite being really busy in school I am doing well...all A's... and I am ahead because soon I am going to las vegas...whoop whoop...I am so excited for that...

But...yeah here is where all the thoughts come in...I guess I am just tired physically but I can't sleep mentally...I think I have just gotten to the point that I am so tired of people and how I feel obligated to treat them...like...for a couple examples...I was going through a hell of a time trying to figure out what to do about something...and it was something that could have had some pretty severe backlash...and so i was trying to talk to this one friend and at the time he was like I don't know what to tell you...I don't want to deal with this...you should know what to do...but for me it wasn't that simple...and he is one of the people that i have always been there for....and at the time i was mad...and i swore that i wouldn't be there for him the next time he needed...well about a week later pretty late into the evening he called me and was like I need someone to hang out with and talking...and well he has a tone that tells me when something is wrong...and my resolution broke...and despite having a mass amount of hw to do when I got home i went and was there for him...but it made me really bitter that he couldn't be there for me....and then just recently i have a best friend...we have gotten really close since college...but suddenly one of her old friends surfaced...and to say me and this chick don't get along is like calling world war 2 just a little spat...but anymore I don't see or hear some one I came to consider a best friend unless they need my help on accounting....and like its a traditions for us to normally go out on friday...but she canceled the week before this one to hang out with her...and then this week was literally an hour...and then she sees her monday wednesday and Sat..and the only time i see or hear from her is to basically to do her hw...which i myself have already done...well just this last week into a mutual friend i swore the next time she text me i wasn't gong to help...and then on Sat night she texted me a pic and asked for help...and i did it....I don't know what the hell is wrong with me!!! why can't I just cut people out...it seems they can do it to me just fine...and with no regards to my feelings....hell one of our friends even talked to her about this but nothing changed...but i guess...I am one of those people that if you were ever really my friend I will try to be there for you...no matter what or when you come and go...I guess thats because i dont let many people that close...I have the horrible habit of acting like someone is close...but they aren't they don't really know anything about me...and thats why I get so hurt and jealous when people are able to just leave me and forget about...I hate it...and I do wish I could get to the point I am more like them....and can just remove people...and act like there never was a friendship...

I feel bad...a friend of mine who is super out going...again he is pretty close but not as close as he thinks...but literally he talks to everyone...is trying to get someone super close to me to go hang out with him...or even with us a group...now i am going to sound bad...but i don't want him to go alone...because even though I love him he can be a bit of a bad influence...and the person that is super important to me doesn't want to go with us a group because well to some degree we tend to tear new people apart not in like a mean way...its joking and they join and return it...but that just isn't him...and he doesn't think he could handle them...but i have one friend I would give anything for him to meet...so I am working on that...I don't know...I have hopes for that....but I guess soon enough I will be out of here...so it isn't a huge deal...and I won't push the issue....sorry if this is all really confusing...I just need to vent...I guess I dont know how to tell my friend the other really has no desire to meet them...

I don't know...I guess I am getting down to the point that i have 2 people here that i feel I am close to...and 3 people total...but nothings really ended in a big fight...its either just been amicable....or just dissipated without a word...and for me that is almost worst...I like to have reasons....I guess I am one of those people that would rather have someone scream at me...rather than say nothing...because when someone doesn't say anything I am a lot harder on myself then they ever could be...so thats just weighing me down.....That and the fact there is someone that I am dying to talk to...but at the same time not...because it won't do any good...yeah...Oddly enough just venting all this out has helped immensely...I don't know..I am having lunch tomorrow with a semi friend...maybe I can talk to him since he is sort of removed from all the personal life drama...and even though he's a complete space case...I love him...and he's been pretty good at giving me advice...and yelling at me about being a door mat...

I never thought I would get to the point where I wish I could shut people out...and not care if they needed me...but I'm there....because I am so sick of feeling like this....

Oh and I finally caved and made a dr appointment...my friend thinks I may need to have my gallbladder (sp?) taken out because I have been having like excruciating pain...me and someone else have been staying with them...and well 3 people witnessed me thinking I was having a heart attack in teeth chattering pain...and did not appreciate me yelling that i don't have time for this...not with school and finals...and vegas that it would just have to stay in there until summer....so my appointment is in summer but I have the threat of a hospital trip over my head if it happens again...All the more reason to smile and say no really....im fine...haha 

Well I think that is everything...I hope everyone is having a good time...I need to get a little sleep so I can get up early and claim my topic of the character of Rumour in my english class....this sexy little number is a dude in a cape painted with tongues all over it in part 2 of Henry the 4th...he was right up my ally as he sounded like Orochimaru meets horror movie...speaking of which I am one the count down for the quiet ones and Occulus!!! ok serious that it haha thanks to anyone who read this...literally you just read me when in doubt whine it out...
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Let it go
  • Reading: Henry 4 part 2 and Managerial operations
  • Watching: Just watched the grudge
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: tons of water

deviantID

Sakura2349
Kitsune
Artist
United States
Alright so you can see what i look like in my gallery i tried it as and ID and i hate that picture of me like expanded so yeah....I'm stuck looking like that since plastic surgery and needles scare the life out of me. I use this account mainly for writing I have posted a couple pics and stuff but...I have no artistic ability other then writing and even there i feel a little shakey. Since i have joined here i have been feeling a little better about it seeing all the kind comments and the people that have added me.

I write the best when I am upset and that is really a regular attitude. There is about two things that keep me upset enough to pull out a good sad story. Most of the conversations in my stories are based of conversations i have had with a few of the people i know. That is kind of sad if you read Between Bonds and see how Itachi treats Yumi...Anyway the way i look at that situation is..."At least it pulled out a good story.

For the people that visit my page regularly yes this is updated. I hate keeping things the same for long periods of time. People who know me for real know this is true. I am on my third backpack of the year. I try to dye my hair at least once a year...The worst was dying it black because i really did look like Orochimau.

I may not look like the happiest person or even come across as it but here is the reality of it all. Life is hard, I haven't always found myself in the best situations but i am not a depressed person. I have good friends that i know are always going to be there for me and such so i can be happy knowing that. If anyone want me to add them as a friend on here I would gladly be willing to do that. If anyone has questions feel free to ask me.

I really hope everyone who comes here enjoys my writing. I really love when people leave me a comment so please drop me a line.

Current Residence: USA
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Large (the bigger the comfier)
Print preference: none
Favourite genre of music: pop
Favourite photographer: ummm again one of my friends
Favourite style of art: umm like the manga form
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: Anything Orochimaru
Favourite cartoon character: Orochimaru
Personal Quote: The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality. By creating a legacy,
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I have interest in one of the jackets...Umm I suck it drawing so if you want something done for you it would have to be writing or photography...check out my gallery and see what i am capable of...so those to subjects more then likely unless it was simple and i will give llama badges...also points from this might go towards my group thanks a bunch

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:icontyler9862:
tyler9862 Mar 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
MERCI POUR LE FAVE!
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:iconaudreve:
Thanks for the fave :heart:
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:icondreamdancer84:
Thank you so much for the fav! :hug:
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:iconxamy777:
Xamy777 Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav :3
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:icontalesofnightwing:
TalesOfNightWing Sep 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you for the favorite on 
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:iconiphantomsilver:
Happy birthday sister... I love you and I hope you recover.
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:iconsakura2349:
I'm working on it :)....thank you :)
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:icontalkingcamara:
talkingcamara Sep 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Happy Birthday :D
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:iconsakura2349:
Thank you so much :)
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:iconkurtzan:
Kurtzan Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the :+fav: ! :D :D
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