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About Deviant Artist Member KitsuneFemale/United States Groups :icontake-all-we-can: Take-all-we-can
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Hey everyone I am taking a marketing course, and we have a huge project for our final....and for that we need people to take a survey...so while I sit here an wait I thought I would post this....if anyone can take just a few minutes to take it, I would very much appreciate it...Its completely anonymous, and only the professor will see the results...Thanks to those of you that take it...

kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=t48o…
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: Carousal
  • Reading: Marketing Mang
  • Watching: AHS Freakshow
  • Playing: Naruto
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water

And its all fun and games 
till somebody falls in love
but you already bought a ticket 
and theres no turning back now
So, you did it you're a freakshow..."

If you have no idea what I'm talking about here are the previews for the actual show:

and 

(Obviously I don't own any of this....just trying to figure how to use it for a birthday theme)

Alright....So it is that time of year....my friend is already screaming about his B-day....and low and behold I found out he is in love with the show american horror story....I never watched it so yesterday I was watching the first season....yeah I totally see why now....but anyway we saw the preview for the next season...so we are going to base his huge party off freakshow!! Now bare in mind this is no 10 person party this is on average a 100 person guest list then admissions can enter when they are trick or treating...but only older...its not a kids party...this is noted by the fact we used a rig to have someone cough cough me projectile vomit on people as Regan from the exorcist...So as always there will be a main theme this year we are deterring from SAW to use the freakshow than rooms will be designed liked old new and indie horror movies...I am hoping to do one for Annabelle...I am so excited for that movie that it isn't even funny...but anyway birthday boy will be the ringleader.....my friend Brittany will be the contortionist....and I will either do magic....or I saw a preview about a girl with wings and I could do that with my wings that are made out of knives...I am trying to talk him into his fiancé or this girl lauren as the bearded lady...I have twins that I am going to try to use fancy makeup tricks to stick them together...Clay will be the strong man....and my friend Trance was more than happy to get up on stilts....because of what it puts people level with....*sigh* he will never change....and I am thinking of putting J in as a creepy clown cause he did so well as freddy Kruger....bear in mind these people aren't even included in the guest lists...but he didn't appreciate me using his social media sites to send out "Freaks!!! I need freaks come one come all for an audition...you know who I'm talking about..." I am stressed about getting it all done....but at the same time I am excited cause this is actually a theme I think people will have more fun with...and its still a lot of technical work with makeup and gizmos to fool people...but it isn't the large scale work of the previous ones...but if he will let me i want to find a way to mimic the girl on the hoop or a scarf dancers....But for once I have a vision...the last choice is who enters to what song....for him its either circus or carousel...but for once he agreed on the first idea!!! 

Beyond that school has me stressing I am single handedly doing a group project....but then in another group I feel like I am not doing much...I have an accounting quiz...and one teacher who never seems to know what I am asking....I am super tired of doing nothing but reading and typing....but I am about a forth of a way through the semester....

My birthday just passed....and I got an animatronic raven for my room...the sims four...which i do like but they have no cars...no pools....and no toddlers....they really need to work on some expansion packs....this was an ok birthday...I spend the actual day alone as my family left town...A was out for a job interview....and my friend had to bail...but i guess thats ok...I really hate that day....

beyond that people are just ticking me off....I am basically done trying with them....but hopefully that turns around...
thats it for now...
  • Mood: Zest
  • Listening to: Dollhouse
  • Reading: Business Law
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: sims 4
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water
I have no idea what has happened to me recently....sigh....there are so many things that just don't make sense when I look back at who I was....So for starters...I use to be one of those people that wanted to be alone...I would tell people to just leave me be....but that changed a while back...and for a while because of a situation I don't want to discuss i would tell people don't leave me...then it became jokingly....but more and more recently it has become serious again...especially with one person..I mean I even spent my birthday alone this year...(and like legibly was upset by that...even though i hate the day with a passion)..like A went to an interview and I was alone here...and i hated it...and I was not entirely honest about what was going on here while he was gone cause I wanted him focussed...but then he got back and he was like you look like shit!! you look like you haven't slept...and he noted some of what had happened...and i told him the rest...and now he is deputing not taking the job...which is like the total opposite of my intent...I am trying to be supportive...but if I am being honest I don't want him to take the job....thats the other thing that has changed...I use to feel like I had an amazing support system but now they are all gone....and i am so reliant on him that sometimes i realize how foolish that it...I never use to be so reliant on just one person...but now I am....and it scares me....I dont know what I will do if he leaves....sigh but everyone is telling me this is for the better and I am trying to go with that...and then I have one person that is like talk to him...tell him...stop being so unselfish....but thats how I was taught...even if its at you're jeopardy you make other people happy....which brings me to the last thing...the one that is bothering me the most....

I have no more fight in me....I use to put up a hell of a fight when I didn't agree with something....heck one of my good friends use to joke that my hair was red with the flames of hell....but i think I have been shut out...pushed away...beat down...and scolded so many times that I am starting to believe that I have to just accept it...and I am...Former bad influences have elbowed their way back into my life...and anymore i don't want to fight...so I either run...or I placate them...and I am turning it all inward again...keeping things from people...avoiding them...and just keeping to myself....and a part of me just doesn't care anymore...I just don't want to be knocked down again...so I don't bother standing up...I am hoping this gets better with time....but I am having a hard time seeing the end of this tunnel...and honestly if things change the way they might i think its best if I just stay in it....

Lets see....school....things are extremely busy...I am kind of going crazy....and everything is group projects....urgh...my worst enemy.... I like my groups I just hate group projects if that makes any sense...but...everyone jokes that I am they stereotypical accounting major and I am...I fully believe in the feed me and leave me alone method....haha everyone is there like forming groups and I am just like nope I am like batman...I work alone...and don't trust these people to live up to my level...and I know that sounds conceited but I have something to prove...I mean my averages in classes are always A's sometimes above 100% and then I get stuck with people that are like I think this is going to be easy...and all i hear is "my part is going to be easy and you are going to have to work 2x as hard to pick up my slack..." but other than that its quizzes and busy work....

haha other than that there is just home stuff...parents driving me crazy and our air is broke so you have to go out and turn the water on and off....otherwise it overflows...but yeah so I went out and there was this huge black spider by the door...and i was like nope nope freak of nature you aren't getting in my house....and so i turned the water off and i went to open the door and thank god it moved away...but then logic was maybe if I slam the door hard enough it will die or flee....well i did...and 10 seconds later the neighbors called thinking someone was breaking in and she was like do you want me to send my husband to kill it....and i was like I am not that big of a baby...........yes.....hmm beyond that my friend alex is sending me something for my bday and I am excited and scared...her original idea was these provocative cookie cutters but then she said she would save those for a house warming gift....but she was like text me when it arrives in one piece so I am scared...my neighbor and i are having an annoying war...the other day I was belting out siberia by the backstreet boys...but then I heard clapping followed by bravo...encore...and then today there was a huge bug on the window...and i couldn't see what it was but my cat tried to attack it through the screen and I was like AJ don't piss it off!!! and i hear "RIGHT NEVER PISS OFF PISS ON...." i need to retaliate...

I think thats it 
  • Mood: Sadness
  • Listening to: Am I wrong
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: sims 4
  • Eating: cupcake
  • Drinking: water
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: strong language)
I hear that honey sweet sickening voice through my head phone. and I outwardly cringe. “You are being stupid again….” But, I decide to try ignoring the fact that I fell asleep listening to music…trying unsuccessfully to block out the outside world…but also trying to block out the decimated world under the skin….


In a mock gesture to ignore this I sing, “I’ve got one less one less one less problem without you…” but then I feel the toe of a shoe pointing into my rib. I am forced to open my eyes and take the left head phone out of my ear….”What was that?” I ask looking up at her….she rolls her eyes knowing that I heard her. That dark brown hair hangs ratty as ever but she is looking at me with almost black eyes smiling…


“You are being stupid again…” she states like this is the most obvious thing in the world…and sure enough it is for me….but I know if i over indulge her she will get mad and that is always the most fun…


“Why do you say that?” I ask with my own sickening smile and try not to laugh as she lets the greasy bangs fall over her face and red eyes gleam out from under it all…


“You know damn well….Let me start with the girl…you are keeping her as a friend even though she walks all over you….lied to your face….and then is throwing you over for someone you hate….not to mention that you are making other peoples problems your own and it is costing you way more than you are willing to show on the surface….you are still there for people that trampled you and went their own way….not to mention you dropped your guard helping two people you hardly knew…and left the door to everything you did wide open…that is why you got screwed over…” at the end of her rant she is glaring at me…and heaving to catch her breath….everything i do out there affects her to…but I don’t care anymore as I look down to my leg half wrapped in gauze…and whore carved below that…


“You are cute after all….you think I care what happens to you? Is it because you are in fact planning a long future that you would hate to miss?” I watch as her eyes drop to the bottom right and she bite her lip….maybe sensing now is not a time to push me… “You know I have lost all sense of self preservation after this last incident…you are well it will be written off as my fault…nothing will be done….” i pause for a long time just looking at the burnt up world below me…and then glancing back at the tree with the blonde doll propped up against it…he looks peaceful as his eyes are closed in sleep… “You don’t think I am aware of the damage the people I let in are causing….but you also know how hard it is for me to close people off….I want to help if i can…” I glare at her…then drop my eyes… “well I did but not anymore….” I look over to the tree again… “He would….be fine without me…i have set things up for him…he would be take care of….” i mumble my voice breaking from time to time and the first tear finally sliding free… “I know I finally broke ok?”


She growls in the back of her throat not wanting to accept that answer… “You are broken….You are having panic attacks…times you feel like you are suffocating….but you also are not the same person you use to be….the old you would have gotten up and fought?! Where the hell is she?! Where is that girl that everyone called a demon…” she is now standing on her tip toes trying to make herself look bigger as she screams at me…


“She….she died…” I whisper… “she died after being used…stepped on…beat down…shut out…abandoned…and replaced….” This brings on more tears and that feeling of being strangled….”She died when she started thinking about the future and the lack of one….the fact she wasn’t good enough…the fact that she was somewhere between perfectly behaved and a rebel….and she died when she started thinking about numbers…” The last part comes out a barely audible whisper….


“Numbers….NUMBERS are you kidding me?! You know he doesn't care…and no one else knows…” she actually seems more concerned…but of course she is…its only her future at stake…and she can tell that this really might be it…


“Why does no one get it?!” I finally yell clutching at the grass below me… “HE HE HE….my whole life has been based on someone else….What about me….what if I care…what if I can’t take it?!” I finally scream…and she looks stunned for a second, but even more so when I glare back, “What if for once this is about me…and all of this is just bothering me…and yes the fear that it might bother him…and he might leave make it worse for me…but what if I can’t stand the number…or the scars or looking down and seeing whore on my leg every damn day? What then?! What if I just woke up this morning and realized that there really is no one there for me?! Not one person that knows how to handle me?! Or, that maybe they just used me and are to wrapped up in themselves huh?!” She sits down….I think needing time to take all this in….very rarely do i lose it internally and even more rare do I lose it on the outside like this….but I have done both recently…


She sighs and looks at me hard for a minute….maybe finally taking in the eye that is swollen shut…and the scars and finally that word carved brightly into my leg…”Kit….” she reaches out and tries to touch my head, but I duck away not wanting to be touched after what has happened…she retracts her hand into her lap and sighs again…”Kit is there anyone that can help you?” she asks looking down and begins chewing on the inside of her lower lip…a shared nervous habit…


I chuckle bitterly… “That would be new wouldn’t it…someone wanting to save me…someone wanting to help me because they didn’t see me as a means to an end…” I sigh myself…I know that sounds horrible…but recently everyone around me has made me believe this…”if that doesn’t answer your question….no….there isn’t….” i look at the ground for a minute in deep thought…I don’t really trust anyone at the moment…


Then I hear it….that familiar voice that regardless of how I am feeling brings a smile to my face…but right now even that doesn't do it… “May I try…” I look up and its the blonde puppet although now it isn’t a doll its a real human being. the blue eyes looking at me as I sit here on the ground and the outstretched hand offering to help me up….but looking at him brings on flashes… “This is your fault!!! You wanted it!!! I have seen what you are capable of stopping it…why dont you just go there…” but then in the same instant they change to sitting with the same boy in the closet of a hotel crying my eyes out as he mumbles that he loves me petting my hair….I look at him…feeling completely confused for a minute…


“I….Don’t….Know….I don’t know if i can be helped…” I mumble and notice he is staring at the word now permanently carved into my leg …I look around with the feeling that my head is swimming I look at him and it all hits me again….I just need to think…I force myself to stand without taking his hand…. “I need a minute…I need to just breathe…” I say as I walk past him and down the hill into the burnt wold….He stays where he was….probably figuring it was best to give me my space when I ask for it…just another one that wont come after me….


I walk into the part and realize that everything is burned to a cinder…I sit on the bench for a minute feeling the wind on my face and think of everything that has happened…shuddering at some of the feelings forced upon me…feeling tears sting my eyes as I think of everyone that has just come and gone…feeling my throat tighten…the lack of oxygen getting to me…all that wight bearing down on my neck….letting out one final gasp that sound more like a sigh of relief to me…


Feeling a sickening smile twist my lips as i see that body hanging for the carousal…swaying a little as it springs to life…a sickening laugh escapes my life as I realize that body…that was mine…I am just another ghost that wanders in this self created landscape of the mind…and I couldn’t be happier to be here….or more curious to know if anyone misses me…


I turn to walk back up the hill…touching the bruised around my neck…brining my calf to rub at the word carved there…not where it was in life…as I mumble “It was their own damn fault…” then burst into a run up the hill to the smiling blonde and the little girl in pink….
All again....
Something happened recently....and i have massively back slid....the people in my life aren't that great....I might keep trying but i might not....and i don't care who that hurts anymore 

obviously I dont own the song 
Loading...
Hey everyone I am taking a marketing course, and we have a huge project for our final....and for that we need people to take a survey...so while I sit here an wait I thought I would post this....if anyone can take just a few minutes to take it, I would very much appreciate it...Its completely anonymous, and only the professor will see the results...Thanks to those of you that take it...

kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=t48o…
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: Carousal
  • Reading: Marketing Mang
  • Watching: AHS Freakshow
  • Playing: Naruto
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water

deviantID

Sakura2349
Kitsune
Artist
United States
Alright so you can see what i look like in my gallery i tried it as and ID and i hate that picture of me like expanded so yeah....I'm stuck looking like that since plastic surgery and needles scare the life out of me. I use this account mainly for writing I have posted a couple pics and stuff but...I have no artistic ability other then writing and even there i feel a little shakey. Since i have joined here i have been feeling a little better about it seeing all the kind comments and the people that have added me.

I write the best when I am upset and that is really a regular attitude. There is about two things that keep me upset enough to pull out a good sad story. Most of the conversations in my stories are based of conversations i have had with a few of the people i know. That is kind of sad if you read Between Bonds and see how Itachi treats Yumi...Anyway the way i look at that situation is..."At least it pulled out a good story.

For the people that visit my page regularly yes this is updated. I hate keeping things the same for long periods of time. People who know me for real know this is true. I am on my third backpack of the year. I try to dye my hair at least once a year...The worst was dying it black because i really did look like Orochimau.

I may not look like the happiest person or even come across as it but here is the reality of it all. Life is hard, I haven't always found myself in the best situations but i am not a depressed person. I have good friends that i know are always going to be there for me and such so i can be happy knowing that. If anyone want me to add them as a friend on here I would gladly be willing to do that. If anyone has questions feel free to ask me.

I really hope everyone who comes here enjoys my writing. I really love when people leave me a comment so please drop me a line.

Current Residence: USA
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Large (the bigger the comfier)
Print preference: none
Favourite genre of music: pop
Favourite photographer: ummm again one of my friends
Favourite style of art: umm like the manga form
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: Anything Orochimaru
Favourite cartoon character: Orochimaru
Personal Quote: The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality. By creating a legacy,
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I have interest in one of the jackets...Umm I suck it drawing so if you want something done for you it would have to be writing or photography...check out my gallery and see what i am capable of...so those to subjects more then likely unless it was simple and i will give llama badges...also points from this might go towards my group thanks a bunch

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:iconmaiarcita:
maiarcita Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014
Thankss for :+fav:
On The Magician by maiarcita
I really appreciate :iconcocoloveplz: :rose:
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:iconarcamira:
Arcamira Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks for the fav!!!!!!!!!
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
Happy Belated Birthday, sister. I miss you.
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
I miss you to....and thanks ^.^ I'm all old now...
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:iconvariouslyvaried:
variouslyvaried Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014   General Artist
Happy b-day! :iconyessssplz:
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014
Thanks
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:iconbeautiful-life15:
Beautiful-Life15 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
Hi, thanks for the fave, glad you liked it:heart:
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:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the fav!!! Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (Heart Dance) [V6]  Hope you have a nice day!!!
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:iconmiilky-chan:
Miilky-chan Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favourite!Adorable Girl Anime Emoji (My kawaii plushie) [V6] 
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wordturner Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
Thanks for the Fave!!
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