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Nevermore by Sakura2349
Nevermore
I saw a raven at the canyon! The person I'm with kept laughing saying I was more interested in the birds than the canyon...*whispers* I was!
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Why is it so easy to pick the razor back up?
What made the needle so appealing again?
Where did everyone go that I have no support?
How can death seem so appealing?


Questions are difficult
The can be ambiguous
They can be left unanswered
Or they can hide meaning that you can’t even fathom


Answers are simple
Answers are clear
Every answer expresses hidden emotions
But, you have become too distant to understand mine


Because it offers a comfort that no person can
Because it numbs a pain you don’t even know exists
They got hurt in being near me, and were left no choice but to walk away
Simply because life is hard


Why do I turn to those that hurt me?
What made it so simple for me to run away?
Where would I even go now?
How can you not see the pain I am going through?


Questions are asked each and every day
Everyone has questions in their minds
Some stem from curiosity
But, those that keep us up at night are from self doubt


Answers very rarely come
They are very rarely what we want to hear
They very rarely come from those that we want to hear from
Maybe answers aren’t so simple


The ones I turn to are the only ones that stay
Because there is no one there to chase me
I have nowhere to go, because no where feels safe anymore
Because you don’t even look for it anymore


Why is there a never ending pain held within?
What do I do to drown out the ever-present silence now?
Where is it that I really want to be?
How can you be so self absorbed?


Questions are simple
They can be raised about each and every situation
They can consume a persons mind
Questions are only seeking information


Answers are complicated
They only bring pain
They lead to greater confusion
Some questions should not need an answer


Because there was a void created without any happiness
With the never-ending voices creating self doubt
In a warm embrace that’s turned cold
Because things are going well, and its to hard to burden yourself with someone else


Are you ok?


Some questions should never be asked
Some should never require answers
Questions can trivialize pain
Questions can be impossible to answer


Answers are brief
They can be lies
They can cover up so much
And, they can discourage further questions


I’m fine
Questions and Answers
Maybe I am not in the best place...there is a pattern to this...Hopefully it is simple to figure out....pry not my best....but there was definitely emotion put into it 
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Don’t…just don’t
Don’t pretend to be my friend
I don’t need your fake pity
I don’t need your unreliable friendship


Don’t think I am that stupid anymore
Don’t think my friendship is only at your convince
Know my friendship is all or nothing
Don’t think I will just wait around for you to come back


Know that I am reliable and dependable
Know that your secrets are safe with me
Know that I will be there around the clock
But, know that once I am done I am truly done


Don’t misunderstand me
This is not a cold-hearted declaration
This is just me walking away
This is me finally doing what best for me


Don’t think I am unaware
Don’t think I don’t know you used me
I knew well, and I let you
Because for a time I needed you


You may think you are the victor
You may think you won
But you are just another fatality in my mind
Just another friend that left the battlefield


Don’t be arrogant
Don’t fool yourself
I will be just fine without you
I was long before you


I won’t give up because you are gone
I will fight for what I want
I don’t need you around
I am stronger standing alone


However don’t kid yourself
I won’t be a human shield
I won’t protect or defend you when I am done
I won’t fight for you anymore


So when you walk away remember these rules
Leave me be
Don’t look back
Don’t think you are part of my life


This is not a final warning
This is not a red light for you
This is not me trying to find closure
This is me…This is my goodbye


Farewell to a fair weather friend
It has been sometime since I have update this....and there is a number of reasons for that....there has just been allot going on...some good and some bad...actually kinda horrible that I didn't want to talk about...but.....I don't know...I don't know....i think there are some things that one can't recover from....and I am realizing that burying them is a coping mechanism that only lasts so long....hmmm I don't even know where to start.... I guess with the good...I had to drop one class this semester because the final fell when I was out of town....but other than that I managed to get an A in all my classes....I was ready to tear my hair our because I had two massive group projects and I ended up doing everything...and that amounted to about 32 pages in one class....and about 20 in another....but its done....and another one is about to start....yay....but thats one step closer to getting out of here.....

My mom and I are at war....I know a number of people say that they hate their mom...but in my case it is really true....I mean they adopted me....and then...I don't know I feel like she has been trying to get me out of her life since i was 10....and I am really tired of it...it is a mix between her not having time for me because of my siblings and the fact that she believes the best thing a woman can do is marry a man and out not have to work at all....but that isn't what I believe in...and that really makes her unhappy....not to mention the fact that the person she thinks I am suppose to be with....just announced his engagement to this other girl....god help her...but thats put us at even greater odds then ever...and then I was gone for thanksgiving and christmas....and that just did not help...sigh....I don't know why it bothers me....I guess because she is mom and I want her to want me...but she just doesn't....and I am so tired of fighting for the approval of people that will never give it to me....I think it is time I do what I want...I have regarded her feelings at the expense of my own for too long....

I think I have completely shut myself down to people...I have a really good friend that came back from an internship and we use to be really close and she is wanting to do Wednesday night dinners because she is worried about me...I can't say that I want to...and its not cause I don't love her....but because I am having a hell of a time letting people near....I kind if distanced from one friend....had a huge blow out fight with another and well she ended up replacing me like she said she wouldn't...and I think i finally managed to put that behind me but then my last best friend said he was moving....so I started to distance from him to make it easier...but this his circumstance change....but its still hard to get close to him because I feel like that is betraying my former friend...and for me even if we aren't friends anymore I never stop caring about that person....or their feelings....I will still always be there...but I guess I am hesitant to let anyone else near because I am tired of getting hurt or just being used for what I am good for to them....sigh....I guess I am just having a breakdown....

The reason the one friend is so worried about me is because I had to bail on like two weeks of plans....and at the time I didn't tell her why....but I had just had a surgery and it was for a kind of....difficult reason....sorry I don't want to go into detail still....but it wasn't even the first time something like this has happened actually its like the third....but this time people keep telling me that it would never have been anyway....but that doesn't help....and its just affecting someone else....and its just another thing thats getting to me....I am so tired of feeling not good enough....I don't even know anymore....but she is worried and I can't tell her everything....so I am trying to put on a brave face and go....Someone told me something like "It doesn't matter how you feel....get up....get dressed up...and show up..." they meant in an encouraging way....so thats what I am going to do....I hope everyone else is doing better than I am...Happy New Years...
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: Immortals
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: AHS Asylum
  • Playing: Alpha Saphire
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water

deviantID

Sakura2349
Kitsune
Artist
United States
Alright so you can see what i look like in my gallery i tried it as and ID and i hate that picture of me like expanded so yeah....I'm stuck looking like that since plastic surgery and needles scare the life out of me. I use this account mainly for writing I have posted a couple pics and stuff but...I have no artistic ability other then writing and even there i feel a little shakey. Since i have joined here i have been feeling a little better about it seeing all the kind comments and the people that have added me.

I write the best when I am upset and that is really a regular attitude. There is about two things that keep me upset enough to pull out a good sad story. Most of the conversations in my stories are based of conversations i have had with a few of the people i know. That is kind of sad if you read Between Bonds and see how Itachi treats Yumi...Anyway the way i look at that situation is..."At least it pulled out a good story.

For the people that visit my page regularly yes this is updated. I hate keeping things the same for long periods of time. People who know me for real know this is true. I am on my third backpack of the year. I try to dye my hair at least once a year...The worst was dying it black because i really did look like Orochimau.

I may not look like the happiest person or even come across as it but here is the reality of it all. Life is hard, I haven't always found myself in the best situations but i am not a depressed person. I have good friends that i know are always going to be there for me and such so i can be happy knowing that. If anyone want me to add them as a friend on here I would gladly be willing to do that. If anyone has questions feel free to ask me.

I really hope everyone who comes here enjoys my writing. I really love when people leave me a comment so please drop me a line.

Current Residence: USA
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Large (the bigger the comfier)
Print preference: none
Favourite genre of music: pop
Favourite photographer: ummm again one of my friends
Favourite style of art: umm like the manga form
MP3 player of choice: ipod nano
Shell of choice: conch
Wallpaper of choice: Anything Orochimaru
Favourite cartoon character: Orochimaru
Personal Quote: The cure for death itself. The answer is immortality. By creating a legacy,
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I have interest in one of the jackets...Umm I suck it drawing so if you want something done for you it would have to be writing or photography...check out my gallery and see what i am capable of...so those to subjects more then likely unless it was simple and i will give llama badges...also points from this might go towards my group thanks a bunch

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Comments


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:iconzuzdapax:
zuzdapax Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you! I really appreciate it<3
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AprilLight Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2015
Thank you so much for faves :iconbouquetplz:
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PhantomMonkey Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav: :winner:
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JutsuGal1208 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015
THX 4 TEH FAV!!! :woohoo: :hug: :iconiamhappyplz:
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:iconlouxel:
Louxel Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav, wow devianrtArt has changed so much since I last used it and I don't know what's going on (What are these coins/points thingies?)
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015
I don't know what the coins are to be honest, but the points can be used to buy things like premium membership and items from the store. Haha, how long has it been? They've made these changes gradually
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:iconlouxel:
Louxel Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ya, I didn't know what they were called,last time I used dA was more than 5 years ago.
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015
Well, welcome back :)
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MioA-1 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015  New Deviant Student General Artist
Thanks for the fav x3
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emma-i-viani Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2015  Student General Artist
For that gave, you get a...watch!
;)
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